Before we met

Things Dara said that happened before we met.

1. Dara often recounted a story about when she was between 13 and 16 years old. She described a blind rage in which she saw her reflection in the refrigerator with an expression of anger out of control and a large kitchen knife in her hand ready to plunge into her mother's back.
2. Dara recounted, on several occasions, the early childhood she remembered. There were several stories that were always the same, without more or less detail but a seeming repeat of the story she had told before.
3. One of these early childhood stories was about her third-grade teacher and her catatonic state. Dara looked back on the teacher as the only one who took pity on her and recognized her as an abused child. She never stated what the specific abuse was.
4. Another of the early childhood stories was about her sister who was alternately scheming at ways to get back at Dara and screaming at the top of her lungs. Dara said that she got in trouble whether she did anything or not when Maya was out for revenge.
5. Almost on a daily basis, Dara would rant about her parents. Her father was a good-for-nothing, less than a human being. Dara learned to hate all men through his example.
6. Her mother was a drunk who made Dara wear fur coats for company but go without food.
7. Her grandmother was the only person who understood. Dara would recall her childhood memories of her grand mother with fondness and the stories always pointed to some type of pitying that the grand mother would have upon Dara. Through her grand mother's eyes, she learned to hate her mother.
8. Dara recounted her growing breasts in her youth. They used to get her a lot of attention, but she had to give up volleyball and found herself getting all kinds of excuses from gym class to avoid the pain of having them bounce around.
9. Dara recounted one instance, on a number of occasions, in which she was walking along the road with one of her friends when someone in a car came by and smacked her behind with a hand or a flat board. She recalled the pain and was unable to believe that anyone could ever comprehend, especially a man..
10. Her first shot at college, in Jacksonville, FL, was an attempt to please her father by going into the airline business. In October 1999, Dara recounted a "date rape," in her words, that sounded more like a voluntary one night stand than a rape. She sounded like a young woman with low self-esteem who grasped at the opportunity to have a night in shining armor save her from a dreaded math test. Instead of studying, she drank heavily and went home with him. Dara told me this 10 years after it happened because the statute of limitations had expired. At that time in our relationship, we had not had sex on a regular basis for over 6 years. I felt no sympathy for her or any desire to do anything about it.
11. Dara's friends all came from self-described abusive family relationships. She seemed to surround herself with these hard-luck types that all hated their parents to one degree or another.
12. Dara recounted many boyfriends. I had a difficult time keeping all of them straight. Some of them were still in her circle of friends. Quite a few of her ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriends were still within her circle of friends. She seemed to loathe them and seek them out at the same time.
13. Drew
14. What's his name, the stalker with the 2 inch penis.
15. Dara mentioned that she was nearly institutionalized on several occasions. Once after her mother allegedly cracked her head open. Once or twice after attempting to slit her wrists in a suicide attempt.
16. Andy and Andy.
17. Sam and Elaine.
18. When we first met, Dara would tell this story about a fortune teller who predicted that she would meet her future husband about the time that she met me.
19. Rocks in the hood of the CRX.

Things about me before we met.

1. Born and grew up on Long Island.
2. Went to Catholic school like all my siblings up until 6th grade. We all got out at once.
3. At age 11, I was playing guitar. Music became a big part of my life.
4. I loved to walk in the woods, read long books and listen to albums with themes that lasted more than 2.5 minute pop songs.
5. Held odd jobs at about 16, gas station, supermarket, dishwasher, etc. Bought a 10 speed bicycle.
6. Next door neighbor’s mom and me hung out and talked a lot about a lot of things. She always had company coming in from the Bronx and Europe and other exotic places. I washed her dishes a lot.
7. Streaked in High School. I was quite the phenomenon for such a short time. The experience gave me a fleeting glimpse of popular notoriety.
8. Had one “true love” and one girlfriend.
9. Signed up for the military with 6 months deferred entry and hitch-hiked for two months before my call-up date.
10. Spent four years in the USMC under Jimmy Carter. Saved up about $4,000. Spent it in six months covering bills on my friend’s pizza business upstate New York. Got my license to drive in Okinawa.
11. Took seven years to complete my bachelor’s. In the meantime, I rode my bicycle like Lance. Took it to Italy, three times, for school, culture, language and to get to know my Mom’s family. Saw a lot of stars from those clear Italian mountaintops. Made a few wishes on falling space debris, which was mostly of the natural kind back then. Nearly got married to a German girl. My degree was in Italian and Comparative Religions.
12. In 1987, I spent some time in a Hindu Ashram in eastern Pennsylvania.
13. Got tired of that after a year and a half and hitched to Georgia. Picked up a construction job. I got strong and tanned.
14. Came back to Long Island in 1988. Finished the last credit I needed to graduate. I made a decision to work at a for-profit company, Tool Warehouse, instead of going into teaching. We had a Tool Warehouse band, very irreverent. Learned some computer stuff. Bought a computer and learned some more.
15. Got a job through a temp agency at a used medical equipment reseller. Lived at home with Mom and Dad.
16. Signed on with the Huntington Choral Society and the Huntington Men’s Chorus. Joined a band as lead singer / rhythm guitar.