My Family StructureNuclear Family • Father. My Dad is 77. He’s an active alert septuagenarian. He loves crossword puzzles and his latest craze is the Sudoku puzzles one can find in the daily newspaper. He is a devoted husband. He and my Mom just celebrated their 50th Wedding Anniversary this June. What a wonderful gathering. Dad came from England when he was four. He has English and Irish parents, long since passed away. He served in the military in Germany during the reconstruction. He was a quiet Dad getting up at 6am, gone before we got up for school. For many years, he went to night school and would come back after we were all in bed. His favorite shows were the Red Skelton and Dean Martin shows. He always bought Zenith. He retired over ten years ago from a job he held more than 30 years. I couldn’t follow him into the photochemical industry because of the chemicals. Two years ago when my Mom had stroke, Dad was there by her side and he still is. Holding onto a single bottle of Guiness Stout the entire time, Dad beamed with pride over the amazing friends and family that were at his Anniversary party. • Mother. Mom was a banshee while we were growing up. With seven siblings running around like mice, Mom would grab the nearest person to her. The rest of us would flee. The next-door neighbor would call up when she heard my Mom screaming for too long. Mom would pick up the phone and be a normal person. This instilled in me a knowledge that one could show more anger than an army raging into battle and yet still be in control. I left for the military and heard later about some hair-pulling, knock-down, drag out fights between Mom and my sisters. Marie was the eighth child and nearly drove Mom insane when she started on sex, drugs and alcohol at 12-13 years. Mom had Marie locked up. Somewhere in this, she found herself a Shiatsu massage school in NY City. She got friends and a new-found center of her being. She became the respected, wise and feared matron of the family. Her stroke devastated her. She came to Hawaii to see the kids in November 2004, I think, because she believed she had little time left. She made a wondrous recovery in February 2005 and you cannot imagine the joy in her eyes on their 50th Wedding Anniversary. Her love filled the room. • Brother. My only brother Pat is a cash and carry guy. A year older than me, and a world apart, he’s a mechanic who likes bad ethnic jokes, rich food, beer, and fishing. In spite of our differences, we are best of friends. We both enjoy beer, serious rhythm and blues, and spending time on his boat on the Long Island Sound. A one-time divorcee, he and I extol the virtues of remaining single and recognize the waning patriarchal society. • Sisters. I have six sisters. I am close to all of them. Anne is older than Pat and I. Leona, Carol, Barbara, Louise and Marie all hold special places in my heart. The family has had an incredible number of ups and downs over the years. Through it all, we have had 19 nieces and nephews. I miss my whole family and I believe that they fully understand why I am here. Extended Family • Grandparents. My grandparents are long-since passed away. The GrandDads passed away when I was four years old. My grandmother Caggiano, the maternal side, had the most influence. We went over her house every other weekend for Sunday lunch dinner. Her Italian heritage led me to follow my roots in Europe after I got out of the service. My Dad’s mom passed away a few years ago from degenerative brain functions. Whether it was alzheimers or alcohol, I don’t know. During her final years, she didn’t even recognize my Dad, who had been the most constant of her care takers. • Maternal Side. My aunts, uncles and cousins have always been my Mom’s family with solid American values. They remain as acquaintances. I can call on my aunts and uncles, but I don’t know where most of my cousins are. • Paternal Side. Mom’s family was always separate from Dad’s. The divorces and scandals were always more typical of American reality than my Mom’s wholesome family values. Dad’s brothers were spread farther afield and we had far less frequent contact with these cousins. Others • Friendships. I’ve lost track of many good friends but I have always kept frequent contact with at least two friends at any given time. The distance and the extraordinary amount of time I have had to spend to fight for the right to see my kids has taken a toll on that. Now, its my siblings and my girlfriend. • Romance. My girlfriend understands what I’m going through. She went through it with her ex-husband and because of those experiences, she is scared for her own two kids. From the false allegations of abuse to the denial of visitations, my girlfriend knows how it can tear us apart. She is 100% supportive of me because I will not ask her to become involved. I realize that if she becomes involved, it could jeopardize the strong foundation of trust and understanding that we have been working on for the past year. She thinks I’m a great father figure, especially compared to her ex-husband.
• Organizations.
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