2000 through 2005
These are the years of separation and reunification. This story ends short of the traumatic permanent denial of visitation between me and my daughter in September of 2005 and then me and my son in September of 2006. These are kids who have been taught what to say to people when they want to get their parent in trouble.
There are many more details that I will be filling out after I post this page. These are the most traumatic years of my life.
2000
January.
I took my current job at CCH for $7,000 / yr raise after a long talk with Dara in which we made multiple agreements.
Dara undergoes breast reduction operation even though I asked her to postpone the operation till after tax season. Once her mind was made up, I supported her decision. I went to the hospital, made special arrangements for the kids, and took time off work during our peak season. Every day after the operation, I would help Dara drain the puss from her healing breasts. This went on for more than a month during tax season.
April.
Dara demands to work outside the home. She obtains a position with a telemarketer and it almost cost me my job.
May 31.
Dara's second near fatal auto collision.
June 30.
Dara leaves. Ends up in California about three days later. I maintain weekly phone calls with the kids.
Lots of emails back and forth about trying to resolve issues.
Sporadic phone communication with the kids about once per week. Dara always made me call on every occasion at 7pm Hawaii time, midnight EST and 1am EDT. One time, I fell asleep waiting to call the kids. Instead of calling to wake me up, Dara had Kirstin wait by the phone. In an email from Daras she blamed me for hurting Kirstins feelings again.
September 4.
Dara sends email she's on her way to Hawaii. Tells me she bought a ticket for me to visit the kids in December.
October.
Dara tells me she got a permanent full-time job, changed her voter registration and purchased a car on a credit card. I begin to realize that she wasn't telling me the truth about coming back to Virginia.
November.
I file custody papers in Virginia within the 6-month time frame.
December
Arrive in Hawaii on Kirstin's birthday. Second-day evening conversation with Dara. She stated that she did not receive the custody papers and the conversation turns to yelling. I quietly picked up my bags and left.
Next night, December 18, Dara's Aunt Mabel mediates discussion between Dara and I that lasts several hours. It's clear that she never had any intention of returning to VA.
December 19. Dara pulls the TRO. It's absurd, but the law enforcement officers don't have any discretion. I have $125 in my pocket and a $1,000 limit on a credit card.
December 25. Christmas in the Pagoda Hotel attempting to gather evidence for the TRO hearing scheduled 1/3/2001.
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2001
January
January 1. New Years on North Shore at Youth Hostel. Cheap accommodations.
January 3. TRO hearing, Pro Se. Dara is represented by the Domestic Violence center staff. Her allegations are accepted as fact.
January 4. Last time to see the kids with Aunt Mabel.
February.
File appeal. Lose appeal.
Custody hearing to establish Virginia as residence. Court documents come about a month later. Lost custody of kids in VA.
March.
File divorce in VA. I did this because Dara threatened to get an uncontested divorce in Hawaii after she had residency of 6 months. She fights nasty. Dara rejects all attempts at any type of property settlement. Refuses to cooperate on Year 2000 tax return.
April.
First supervised phone contact with the kids through the PACT Family Visitation Center. Once per week phone visitations require a lot of imagination to hold the attention of a 3 and 5 year old.
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2002
January
June.
First order of Child Support is reasonable. I can still pay bills.
August.
Take on new position with current firm. Prospects of telecommuting open window into possibility that I may be able to move to Hawaii. Place major assets of home into storage. Deliver 56 boxes of Dara's belongings to her lawyer in Virginia.
October.
Return to VA to telecommute.
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2003
March.
Order increasing Child Support makes it impossible to pay mortgage on house. Abandon VA residence. Move up to NY.
Journal Entry - 3/26/2003. No less than 7 phone calls to PACT between 11:46 and 12:30am EST. Turns out this was Prince Kuhio Day, a Hawaiian holiday that no one bothered to tell me about.
April.
20030416 Appendectomy.
May
Journal entry 5/20/2003 introduction to McGivern, 53 minutes. 20030520 Custody McGivern.htm.
Rejection of over 60 issues in the proposed CS document. Journal entry 5/9/2003, Mail Dad's Custody & Visitation Offer. Upping the ante. Including ever more punitive items in the award through its revisions.
Journal Entry - 5/6/2003. PACT calls. Visitation cancelled, Divina. Asked if Mom would be open to alternate time. Cancels 4/2, 4/16, 5/6.
June.
June 6. First hearing on Child Custody. First time Dara makes accusations that I was a child abuser.
June 7. Go to Honolulu Zoo with kids and a personal friend of Daras who later testifies against me at the Child Custody Hearing. Marcia Myers, friend of Mom's who accompanied me to the Honolulu Zoo on 6/7/2003 and testified against me in court on 9/8/2003. Journal entry 6/5/2003. Broken window and glass in Ms. Myers car.
Phone visitation permitted but telephone line is frequently busy (internet use) and when the kids get on the phone, multiple distractions, including the TV blasting and presence of video games in the room, make it hard to keep their attention.
June 26 Journal entry 6/26/2003 - The only time Mom ever called me on a medical emergency. She was freaking out. Kalen had ingested silicon from a kaki-mochi package. Possible health side effects, progressive systemic scleroderma.
July.
July 16. Move to Hawaii. Mabel puts me up for a few weeks while I look for an apartment.
Dara seeks out DV group support upon my arrival in HI.
Phone visitation is authorized but difficult. Journal entry 6/30/2003, 7/2/2003, 7/9/2003, 7/29/2003. Kalen playing pinball machine. Too much noise. TV on in the background.
Journal entry 7/8/2003. Kirstin states, "Mommy said you have to have a counselor."
August
August 1. Move into apartment at 4050B Keanu. Begin Pact visitations.
20040819 K&K need to be reassured that I am their Dad, even though they now call Mr. Guy DaddyG.
September 9.
Child Custody Hearing. File reconsideration motion. Motion denied.
October 3.
Sell VA house.
Mom has stroke in NY.
Employ Mayla Blakely.
Phone visitation has all but been terminated. I buy a cell phone for Kirstin and Kalen. Phone contact became regular until about January 2004. By November 2004, I cancelled the contract, 20041227 VzW K&K Final.pdf.
November 17.
TRO Hearing. Mayla tells me to not contest it. TRO extended through 2007. Begin therapy with Dr. Alethea.
Trip to NY to see Mom.
December 31.
Dara denies a request for an additional night of visitation or earlier afternoon visitation at the PACT FVC. She claims that her job responsibilities prevent her from doing this. See Kempo classes of Feb 04.
Pat visits for two weeks.
Kalen gets an emergency room visit for smoke inhalation in Kailua.
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2004
January.
Begin Anger Management and Parenting Classes.
February.
Dara signs up Kirstin and Kalen for two afternoons per week in Kempo Karate class. See December denial of request for increase / alteration of visit schedule.
Alethea recommends increased visitation. Dara pulls kids out of therapy. Dara signs kids up for Kempo karate. I finish Active Parenting Class. Continue with correspondence courses on Cooperative Parenting in Divorce and Family Education Center, University of Hawaii at Manoa.
March.
Mayla not responding to emails & telephone calls. File ethics charges. No retainer agreement and no bills for 6 months.
April.
I find out about Dara pulling kids out of therapy and I find out about replacement therapist, McCullough.
May.
Finish my sessions with Alethea.
June 28.
June 28. Finish anger management. This was, technically, the beginning of full visitation. Yet, all I got was several hours on Saturdays through the summer.
July.
Begin Hawaii State Bar Association training as legal assistant. Trying to get myself familiar with the strange set of laws that say one thing and do another.
July 17. Sara Harvey does outside visitation and approves unsupervised visitation.
July 24. First outside unsupervised visitation with Parent's Without Partner's (PWP) group, about six hours. Relationship with PWP is ongoing to date.
July 31. I get to take K&K on weekly Saturday day trips. Pick up at 9am - Drop off at 6pm.
September 4.
Kalen does his first overnight. Thereafter weekly.
October
October 9. Kirstin scheduled first overnight denied.
October 10. Kirstin day visit denied.
October 15. Kalen overnight. Scheduled to swap Kirstin tomorrow.
October 16. Mr. Guy brings Kirstin to pick-up point. First confrontation. Dispute about drop-off location. Dara has refused to answer emails for three weeks.
Kirstins first overnight is the first time I got a look at her warts that had begun to take over her left foot. I started treating them with over-the-counter medication and emailed Dara on the severity of the condition.
October 17. Dara refuses to pick up Kirstin. Call Mabel at 7:30pm. Mabel comes through. Helps us get over Pali to Drop Off point. Dara threatens to take her Aunt to court for helping me. Tells her Aunt to leave me on the side of the road.
October 27. My Mom and Dad visit from NY. Moms depressed and doesnt think she has long left to live. I asked Dara to be flexible during this time period but visitation was partly or wholly denied for seven out of their 14 day stay.
Mom & Dad meet Mr. Guy who introduces himself as Dara's husband. "Surprise!"
November 9.
I file TRO against Guy for threatening me. I know you. Dara told me all about you. Guy corners me in the drivers seat of my parents rental car. The confrontations had gotten too hostile.
November 12. Their last day visiting, Mom has diabetic attack waiting for Dara to pick up kids. TRO served on Guy.
November 15. I retain Bob Badger against Guy.
November 17. Kirstin calls at 7:50am to tell me I have a parent teacher conference at 1:55pm.
November 18. Civil Court, me against Guy. McGivern files 23 page rant, five minutes before court starts. Obtain dismissal w/o prejudice, stip that Guy not engage.
November 18. 2pm. Guy calls leaves message on my cell phone they can't find Kirstin at school. After a few phone calls, I find her.
November 19. Official K&K weekends start. K&K to be picked up at University of Manoa, 7pm Sunday.
November 22. Take Kirstin to Dr. Huntley, dermatologist in Kailua, to examine her warts. Dr. Huntley diagnoses Hyperhidrosis.
November 23. Sunday night pick-up schedule written into Court Order, family court.
December.
Dec 15. Dara pulls K&K out of school before I arrive for afternoon visitation. No notice given. No information given to school employees.
December 16. New order prevents me from seeing Kirstin on her birthday. This two day mix up was caused by Dara refusing to acknowledge the visitation schedule or any of my emails.
December 19. With two months notice, trying to get some small increase in visitation, Dara calls police while kids are sleeping soundly. Police have orders to arrest me if I resist. GAL Harvey responds to my weekend email pleas for help the next day with the withering excuse that she lost my emails. My girlfriend freaks. I freak. There's plenty of evidence to believe that Dara stalked me and planned this event. We both become extremely cautious and increasingly paranoid about Dara.
December 31. Pick up K&K at KPS. Head to Waikiki Radisson for Smoke Free New Years.
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2005
January
January 5. Send six-month visitation calendar to Dara.
January 17. MLK Day denied.
January 22. Dara's Virginia lawyer threatens contempt of court charges for not returning property that does not exist.
January 31. School day off denied.
February
February 4. GAL Withdrawal motion received.
February 10. Opposition to GAL Withdrawal filed by me.
February 16. More ranting by McGivern. First indication that they filed CPS charges against me. No specifics given in court, except that McGivern threatens to reduce visitation and increase child support payments. CPS allegations were used as fact against me in this hearing. I refused to sign McGivern drafted order.
February 24. Filed motion for reconsideration.
February 25. Dara pulls kids out of school on my weekend for visitation. Apparently, the kids are going to the Children's Justice Center for a CPS interview. School personnel have no idea what Dara had planned. Dara arrives with kids at 3:30pm. My pick up routine started at 1pm. K&K and I arrive near my place at 7pm. Stop at Zippys for dinner. See journal entry 20050326. Recorded message of 20050225.
February 28. Kirstin denied.
March
March 1. CPS Interview. Maxine Smith Sullivan. The charges against me include giving Kirstin a dope-thwap on the back of her head and my responding to questions she had about boys peeing.
March 3. Talk to Dr. Dan Reed for psyche eval ordered on 2/16. Dr. Reed demands that I sign an indemnity clause after speaking with McGivern.
March 4. File memorandum to motion for reconsideration re: Dan Reed.
March 14. Kirstin denied.
March 21 - 24. Spring Vacation denied.
March 21. Kirstin denied.
March 23. Kalen denied.
March 26. Make up day for K&K denied.
April
April 6. Meet Malia Taum for the first time. I hand her a 30-page, double-spaced, 12pt, list of things that need fixing. The next day she comes to do a visit to my apartment, including changing Sunday night visitation location.
April 14. Propose summer travel itinerary. Taum responds at one point, saying that I should be bringing tampons for Kirstin.
May
May 4. Kirstin denied.
May 6. Buy tickets for summer travel. Find out later that there is a court date scheduled for the day after we leave on vacation.
May 9. Kirstin denied.
May 13. File memorandum on this errant court appearance date.
May 17. File motion to have the court date changed.
May 30. Partial day denial of visitation. Memorial Day is assigned to me this year. Next day, same thing.
June
June 2. Court date prior to leaving for NY. Travel orders include stipulations including get a bigger apartment, make sure the kids call every 72 hours, and dara gets the kids one day. Dara finally reveals the name of Kalens PsD, Dr. Loo.
June 8. Leave for NY. Dara calls kids 3 times a day during the first few days.
June 23. Second appointment with Kirstins therapist, Dr. McCullough. She thought I had full visitation.
June 24. Submit second half-year visitation calendar proposal.
June 28. Trip to Dr. Loos office, in Aiea, turns out to be very dangerous on bicycle. Took a wrong turn at Stadium. Didnt make the appointment. Drafted memorandum in opposition.
July
July 11. Bike accident. Bike had been tampered with.
July 19. Surprise! I get arrested.
July 26. Arraignment hearing. Bail returned.
August
Aug 11. Kids go to Anaheim. I wont see them for 12 days.
Aug 16. Hearing on Motion.
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